no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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