Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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