so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize