her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
