I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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