I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
