bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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