you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
