her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
