I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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