New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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