You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
