My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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