My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
