Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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