and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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