dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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