I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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