oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
