he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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