Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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