i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
