I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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