she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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