Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
