the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
