I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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