I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
