one two three fourrrrnication!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
