i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
