Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
