I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
