i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
