Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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