you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
