Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
