Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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