hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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