Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
