sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
