she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
