We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
