i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
