I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
