I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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