butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
