The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
