The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
