She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
