Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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