im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's blow job season.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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