:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
