This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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