the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
