Are we in a gay sports bar?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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