Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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