So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
