physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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