you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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