Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
