I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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