Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I want a musical about memes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
