You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
