tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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