The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
