The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
