Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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