also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
