my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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