yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
