I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
