On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize